I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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