is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
