i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize