either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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