I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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