she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
