shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize