Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
