Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
