Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Randomize
