Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
