I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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