if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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