I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
