He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
