Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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