i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize