Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
