I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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