This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
