ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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