oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Randomize
