Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
i've created a new STD.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
