I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
