Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize