I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
