I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
it glows. i had to have it.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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