she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
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