I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
