guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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