Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
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