Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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