she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
