Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
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