I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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