so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize