I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
