can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
