i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize