Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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