I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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