The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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