I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
you will always have a special place in my vag
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
