My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
