I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
That was an excessively violent trivia night
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
