yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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