We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
