i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
