you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize