we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
