I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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