Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
