im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
