i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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