Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
