girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Sacagawea was the original milf.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
