Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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