Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just pee around me
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
