ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
