What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
