If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
