I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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